Purple Lotus Publisher > Journal > Volumn NO. 5

Letter From an Illinois Prisoner

by Kevin Dockery

Om Mani Padme Hum,

Dear Kevin Henderson,

Forgive me, my Dharma Brother, for not writing you for such a long time. Also, forgive me if my previous letter seemed not to thank you for your compassionate acts. I believe you deserve an explanation as to why I have not written you in almost a year. Has it really been that long?

Since the last time I wrote you, my spiritual growth and progress seemed to have regressed. Jail is a very dangerous place. I was physically, shamelessly assaulted. Many times I have been accosted. The tapes you sent to me were stolen and dubbed over. I had a set of meditation beads stolen and many books lost. Besides this, my network of support faded. A once-thought loyal friend stole my possessions, which I was selling in order to take care of necessities. My godmother lost her job and she is now ill.

I do not know what I have done to deserve such negative karma in this or previous lives, but I am glad that I am having difficult times now.

Kevin, when all these things happened, I thought for awhile I would break and just lose it. You would not believe how much I wanted to crawl in a corner and "transverse the void." But, I did not. I found myself chanting "Om Guru Lian Sheng Siddhi Hum." I also started writing books and to publishers. What helped me most is the Buddhadharma. I made a friend at xxxxx Publications who sent me many books on the Buddhadharma. I read these books as if my life depended upon it, which it did! I learned that all problems derive not from our experiences, but from our own minds, from how we interpret and perceive our many life experiences. I diligently studied the Mahayanist Seven Point Thought Transformation. I also began reciting the High King Avalokitesvara Sutra, along with practicing the True Buddha Dharma and Tantric Yoga.

I restored my mental clarity and peace. I have repented for forsaking my Bodhisattva Vows. For awhile, I believed I was incapable of being compassionate towards anyone. My heart felt as cold as ice and as empty as a broken promise. I would never have believed that a former martial arts form champion and Chi Kung Practitioner could ever be so easily victimized. Then again, I never thought people were truly capable of the violence portrayed on television, or that the prison administration would behave just as cold-heartedly as the prisoners do. Here nothing is fair if, like me, you are not in a gang. Whenever you find yourself in a disagreement, you find yourself fighting a group of 18 or more guys. This has happened twice so far. I am one of the lucky ones. For the other guys who are not hooked up with gangs, it is sometimes much worse. But never mind this. It is not a good thing when bad things happen but, if you are a Buddhist, it could be. Bad things and conflicts, give us a rare opportunity to practice overcoming hatred and anger. Buddhism also teaches us to view all people as friends, even those who would harm us. This gives us "Buddhist power" that normally would be lost to an average victim.

Kevin, I do not want you to pity me. No! Instead say, "What a blessing! Look what this practitioner has learned on the path. What he has learned is far more valuable than a wish-granting jewel. It is true, my Dharma Brother." Daily I am growing stronger. In my previous letter, I guess I still retained some negative feelings. I am sorry. If I have hurt you, please forgive me.

Well, let me tell you some good news that has been derived from my ordeal. My pain has stimulated deep reflection, and I found myself articulating once inarticulate feelings and emotions. I have now written three books. They are, No Lilies in These Fields (poetry), When Perfect Love Doesn't Cast Out Fear (poetry), and In the Pursuit of Happiness (self-help). But this is not all! On August 10, 1995, an agent replied to my handwritten inquery. I sent all three manuscripts to him. In February, 1996, they accepted me as a client. I signed and sent the contract out in March. Now I am a represented writer! Grandmaster Lu also gave me an empowerment to write a book on Buddhist healing meditation. I have finished handwriting the first draft. I am unable to type it, though. The library is short of supplies and they do not allow inmates consecutive days to type on the two typewriters offered to the inmate population. Tonight, I am going to forge ahead though. I am going to write a book titled, When Cave Men Rule the World: A Woman's Guide to a Quick Peek into the Male Psyche! I want it to be funny while pointing out serious misperceptions that men have about women and how women may overcome them.

So, as you can tell, I have found something I really like. Due to lack of funds, I may never be published or even complete typing the other manuscripts, but I do not care. All I want is to attain Enlightenment. I have set my sights on short term goals, such as the attainment of Arhatship. I am getting really close. I can feel my central governing and functional channels opening more and more each day. I have been having dreams in which the Grandmaster and Master Samantha Chou both give me a book on Chi Kung exercises and bless me. After receiving the other Dharma books you sent, I immediately started to do the practice for peace and inner clarity. It was unbelievable! I was walking on cloud nine, and I have not yet come down.

Kevin, practice, practice, practice! All your life you should practice. Let there not be a day when work or money becomes more important than being compassionate and striving for perfection. If I can live through all my turmoil with a loving heart still intact, so can you. Essentially, this is what the Buddha said, "If I can do it, so can you."

I will leave you now. I promise to keep up regular correspondence with you. Actually, I am reaching the level where I can separate my consciousness from my body. I had good results yesterday and the day before. I am still having a little difficulty. Instead of coming out the aperture at the top of my head, I have been trying to come out the third eye spot. My chi is still too weak for that. But, depending upon your own spiritual level, I do hope to "visit" you soon. Actually, if you are willing to talk to Grandmaster Lu, ask him to teach you how to send chi to your eyes. You may be able to perceive me. Since I am not an adept cultivator I cannot manifest my spiritual Dharmakaya for your eyes to perceive.

Your friend,

Lian Hua Kevin Dockery